No Longer a Loser

I’ve been on this journey since I was 19.

Self improvement, life enhancing, mental masturbation, overzealous ego trip. They’re just a few of the taglines I could attribute toward it, each confined to it’s own epoch that has it’s own narrative and paradigm that played out both internally and externally.

I’m not proud of everything I’ve done, I’ve failed greatly, I’ve lost friends, I’ve become very self righteous and grandiose at times. I’ve treated people like stepping stones, been treated like one, allowed it to happen and vice versa.
I’ve lost money, lost jobs and made stupid mistakes that have put me back at square one in all areas of life.

Good.

Why good? Because it’s given me a chance to assess the situations, take from them what I can and learn from them so I never make those mistakes or misguided judgments again.

Why good? Because it’s brought me back down to earth, taken me off my self-proclaimed throne and put me back in the kitchen to work from the ground up again with humility.

Why good? Because it’s taught me the value of being your word, acting rather than speaking and owning the fuck up to everything, no matter the consequences.

Everything I’ve done has had some purpose that ultimately leads back to me gaining from it. Whether that be writing this post, taking a shitty job or putting someone in check who’s pushed over my boundary line.

It’s taught me that you can only learn from experience and work, not theory or the armchair warfare that circulates around the globe via social media platforms and mobile devices.

I’ve learnt to trust myself, become self-reliant, walk tall, become strong in both mind and body, put myself first for the benefit of others and too simply be all I can be.

In my mind, I’ve become the person I need to be at the given moment in time, for the people that need me at this moment.

I know for certain fact that I can kick my own ass when needed and could easily beat my former self without effort.

And it’s all meaningful, that’s the beauty of the journey that is life and in particular the self. I don’t need things to be happy, I can just be happy and fulfilled knowing that I put in a solid days work towards my life, the trajectory will take care of itself.

The metrics that define this post will probably change within the next 6 months to a year and I hope they do. That’s the only way I’ll know that I’m improving my life, one small step at a time.

No longer a loser, hoka hey

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